Self-explanatory - Day 12 Poem

A Poem in However Many Parts it Takes

1.

Walking and thinking

2.

It started like this. Before the walk.

Not Said

words want

sadness brittle

heaved sigh

tears verge

Why is it we cannot break free of the past and speak to each other with the ease that should come with so many years? Why the silence? The fear? The hesitation builds a wall that we can't seem to breach.

3.

Where is my rock pick? my sledgehammer? my jackhammer? my dynamite?

4.

I have many doorways.

People pass through -

into and out of my life.

Some are pushed. Get out

until you can meet me

under the lintel. My only regret -

you never did. Father.

Some are carried. Give up

their feet, though they will

forever walk with me. Friends. lost.

Some come and go. Always met

with open arms. I'll not board my doorways.

Some are kicked through.

Welcome back. Sorry life sucks.

Come in, have some tea. Stay a bit.

You'll always have a home,

here, in my heart. You will know who you are.

Some leave, because they must, their road waiting

beyond my portal. Never will the door be closed. Children.

5.

One is the doorway with me.

6.

Music makes me cry.

Interconnections.

Reminders.

I hate that good

can come from bad.

7.

So many what ifs. A lifetime of stories

waiting to be written. A signpost pointing

many directions, all of them a destination.

8.

Somewhere in this world, is a woman,

the spitting image of me. And there is

someone with my very same name.

We don't own any of this.

We own it all.

9.

I have often felt like a fraud.

A cheap knock-off.

Dollar store copy.

10.

You can stop pretending now. Little girl

playing dress up. Poet Barbie. Complete

with beret, black jeans, and turtleneck,

dog-eared notebook, coffee cup, canvas bag

brimming with angst.

11.

I'm fiftyfuckingtwo years old! Time to grow up!

12.

My sister said to me once,

nobody drives a car like yours

if they don't want to be seen.

I hated that she was right.

13.

Painted toenails. Pine cones. Purple satin.

Weeds. Words. Wonder.

Napping cats. Knots of wood. Nasty thoughts.

Complicated. Confused. Carnivorous.

Insecure. Introspective. Indecisive.

Shy. Shameless. Selfish.

Mead. Mochas. Malted milkshakes.

Dust. Disliking housework. Dutiful to a degree.

Lust. Loyal. Lonely.

14.

I am all these things,

15.

and more.