Thursday, April 2, 2009

Today's Lesson: Swallow one's sword and other euphemisms for sucking cock

Welcome! And how's this for some sword swallowing?

[The video that was linked to here is long gone. I'll try to find another similar to it.]

Finished cringing yet?

Hope you've been enjoying the Blow Hard Tour 2009. The pricknic continues today and I've been having almost too much fun doing research - all sorts of research.   *wipes chin*   ;-)  

I've mentioned this thesaurus before (it's got pictures too!) - The Bald-Headed Hermit And The Artichoke by A.D. Peterkin.

There's almost two whole pages of words for fellatio, including terms for (One Who Performs) and (to Perform).

For fellatio:
DSL (dick sucking lips) - hehe, one will never think of internet connections in quite the same way
icing expert
penilingus (I kinda like this one)
piston job
scooby snack *insert scooby laugh here*
zipper sex

For (One Who Performs):
blow monkey
fellator & fellatrix (equal opportunity)
goot gobbler
goat throat (Capricorn anyone?)
jaw queen
mouth worker
peter puffer
pick spigot
spigot sucker (hmm, got a faucet thing going)
vacuum cleaner

For (to Perform)
blow one's skin flute
blue jay
cuff one's carrot
dick lick (also lick dick)
give cone
play one's horn
put lipstick on one's dipstick (like this one too)
soil one's knees
swallow one's sword
talk into the mic (is this thing working?)
worship at the altar

Those are just a sampling!

There's another book that is wonderful for those erotic language geeks among us.

Great website here. You can buy the book AND find out lots of other stuff. This book has origins of words (like gam - or gamahuche, gamaroosh and gamaruche, possibly derived from Gamiani, the heroine of a nineteenth-century erotic novel of the same name. Of course there's other theories.) Great quotes and illustrations. A thoroughly fun way to waste some time - oh, I mean do research.

Sucking cock. So many ways to say it. Euphemisms are fun, but when it comes down to it (on your knees maybe?), it's all about making love with your lips, tongue, teeth (just a little), your whole mouth. This whole Blow Hard Tour started because someone Sommer knows - a woman - said this. Of course a lot of us commented that we like to give blow jobs. They're not just a means to an end (what she said - Sommer's friend that is). Though if they lead somewhere else, who's to argue? 

The other day Alison Tyler asked, among other things, about memories of first blow jobs. And it occurred to me that when some of us were coming of age (back in the stone age, hehe), there was really no way to learn how to go about it other than ... going about it. No heiresses showing us how on widely distributed (and in essence very boring) internet videos. No online instruction manuals, no pages and pages of Amazon listings, no 71,700,000 Google results (I find that number really funny for some reason).

Since I'm still new at this erotica biz, I don't have any excerpts to share, but I did sit down and write something special for youDonna George Storey's second person point of view discussions influenced my writing here. It was very interesting to take a real occurrence (from long ago and far, far away) and write this way. 

This is How I Learned

You weren’t the first, but it was the first time I wanted it as much as any man wanted it.

Giddy with red wine, we’d ended up back at your office. You drew me into the back room, shut the door. This had been your fantasy for months. You’d asked if it excited me too. It did.

With an ear out for discovery, maybe the janitor or your office mate, we moved with deliberate slowness. All quiet and whispers. In the dark, we were all too aware of lights in the building’s other wing. How easily we could see across the way. You wondered about the ambient light and the blinds not pulled across your window. This was part of your fantasy. To maybe be seen, be caught.

I undid your belt buckle, popped the buttons of your faded jeans one at a time. Pulled them down to your ankles. Saw your cock spring free in the dim light. You hopped onto the drafting table, sat with legs dangling, your fingers in my long hair.

You instructed me. With gentle words taught me how to use my tongue on your glans, my lips on your shaft. With you I learned pressure, suction, tempo. How to use my teeth, lightly, teasingly.

You whispered a request to me - suck your balls. Fleshy plums, I drew them into the cave of my mouth, played my tongue over them. With this you moaned for me, leaked a drop of fluid. Once again, my lips met the head of your cock, tasted the sweet, sour, salty promise of a lesson well-learned.

Whew! Okay. That second person POV does it every time. Gets the reader awfully close!

Nowadays it seems that for many people, blow jobs aren't even considered "real sex" - that's reserved for penis/vagina sex only (wtf?). Well, I beg to differ. And I think other eroticists would too. Over at AT's blog, in the comments, Craig Sorensen (one of the few men commenting so far this whole blog tour - where are you? - we want more! - *hoping to see Mr. Erobintica here, hint hint hint *) said this - "To me, it is something especially intimate." He went on to describe the sensations (you gotta scroll down) in a manner which had some very smutty writers blushing.

So, what makes a blow job special? From both the giver's and the receiver's point of view? That's the question of the day - so come on and comment - Sommer is ... stalking (hehe) the commenters during this dozen day tour and one lucky one will win quite the prize package. Don't be shy. We don't bite.  ;-)

Tomorrow the slurping continues over at Cora Zane's. See you there! For the full line-up, look here.

Oh, and one last, to top it off, how about these


Marina said...

Wow, Robin, this is great! So educational! I must be really hungry this morning - to "cuff one's carrot" and your great imagery of "fleshy plums" has really caught my attention!

I agree that the intimacy of BJs is what makes them special. Most men really enjoy them. (There are a few who do not.) It takes a high level of trust and personal confidence to allow someone to be that close and to put a mouth full of teeth around that most sensitive organ. And, for the giver, it is wonderful - one gets the pleasure of using all five senses in a way that's completely different from penis/vagina sex or other kinds of sex. For me, I just love having that intense focus on my partner's pleasure - it just makes me happy to make my partner happy!

BJs are a perfectly valid activity in their own right! Anyone who thinks they are just a means to an end is nuts. I don't know how they have the balls to say that!

Sommer Marsden said...

What a fab blog, R! I love all the euphemisms. Isn't it amazing how much slang we can have for one solitary act??

And your piece is divine. The images are very vivid. So vivid that I felt another blush coming on. Really woke me up on this gray rainy day ;) Although, I do wish the man and his plums were home. It would be the perfect day to play the bagpipe in bed.

Oh my god. Who said that!?


Alison Tyler said...

You know, I saw the term "fellatrix" the other day, too. And I kind of liked that one. Like fellator + dominatrix. Right?

I had a friend who learned all things oral from a Stanford boy. She was so excited that he was taking the time to teach her. Then she'd call me up and tell me everything he had taught her. (These were hands on lessons.) So I learned by, um, association.

There are so many ways people partake of this pleasure. Like I showed on my blog—Doms do it, girls can do it to other girls, hands can take the place of cocks—it sort of proves my whole theory that you can be with someone forever and never have the same sex twice.


My word verification (which I never pay attention to) is "undeholy."

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I couldn't wait to wake up this morning and check out what fun you had for us! I wasn't disappointed.

Words! I love words. And geeky explanations about things, and history and pretty much anything that makes my friends and family roll their eyes and say, "There she goes again." You're right. I will never be able to hear "DSL" again without thinking about your alternative definition. And yes, I do love to "worship at the altar."

So, what makes a BJ special? Achievement of the "goal" is certainly a key component, but it goes beyond the mechanics of the act. Like, he takes the time to trim and shave all those delicate parts for my ultimate dining pleasure. One time, I mentioned to him that I had read certain foods like strawberries and pineapple can change the taste of cum. He's not a big fruit eater, but he ate a whole can of crushed pineapple so we could test the theory (yes, I noticed a difference!)

Mmmm "fleshy plums." I loved that description. (Goes along with my fruit theme, too.) The story was so tender and sensual. So much trust needs to be there. I couldn't imagine having a sexual relationship with someone who didn't take a blow job seriously.

Great job, Erobintica! Another great tour stop.

cerulean ^^

Unknown said...

I think those fleshy plums got all of us smacking our lips.

What makes a BJ special? I think it's knowing your partners likes. Every guy wants you to go down there but not all of them like it the same way. My hubby, twisted soul that he is, likes it to hurt a little. Other guys like you to really, really gentle. I like knowing exactly where to go, exactly how to get him off. I think that for the younger set the BJ has become too much like a handshake. The do it with no finesse or personal style. I think personal style is important!

Erobintica said...

Good morning Marina. Thanks! I've been trying to figure out why the hell the time stamp of this post says the time and date it does. Must be because that's when I started working on it. Geez. That explains it. I thought it was when it was posted. Oh well. That's neither here nor there.

On to more important subjects! BJs! Glad you liked the "fleshy plums" - hehehe. It's funny - while I was writing that I didn't think to look in my thesaurus. I did this morning and there's lots of fruit words (with my comments) - including plums - like almonds (unhusked for sure), berries, chesnuts, damsons (let's get specific), gooseberries, jingleberries (ooo, I like that one), raisin bag (makes me think of school lunches).

After all that, "balls" sounds boring!

Hi Sommer! Oooo, I made Sommer blush. :-) Yeah, I woke up and was disappointed since yesterday was so gorgeous. I'm sure your man and his plums would prefer that too!

Erobintica said...

Hi AT! Yeah, I can't remember who used it - but I like that one too - leaves little doubt who is in control. ;-)
So your lessons were ... second hand? I loved all the snippet examples you used. Yes, why any limitations?

cerulean - glad you're home sick today (not cause you're sick but cause you're home) - you're a word geek too! Oh, you MUST get that thesaurus then. I may start doing a regular "euphemism" day on my blog. (gives me an excuse to read - hehe).

ultimate dining pleasure - candlelight and napkins, maybe a jazz band in the corner. ;-)

Hi T. Elle - yeah, I think this is too bad -too much like a handshake - and not only that - but possibly not enough feeling? Wonder why that is?

Thanks for stopping by everyone!

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I left here to check my e-mail, and the first one I opened was from a friend in England who sends the best jokes. I'm not into forwarding but given what we're talking about, I had to share this one with you all:

--At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have an item for praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a quavering voice, “thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with relief. The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom.” The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife that the word is ‘sternum’.”--

Oh, Robin LOVED the additional fruit references. Yes, I am ordering the thesaurus today! (cough, cough, time for more medicine.)


Erobintica said...

cerulean - good thing I didn't have a mouthful of coffee right then - ROFLMAO!!!

Sommer Marsden said...

oh. my. god. cerulean. i think i just peed my pants.
ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahaha! ha!

oh my fucking god. oh my god! give that girl a banana!

Anonymous said...

Thank you. Thank you very much. Glad I made y'all laugh.

neve black said...

Oh, Robin,
This was such a great post this morning to wake up to. I love your research tactics, and I think I've stumbled across some of those, "Hi everyone, I am a cock sucker." euphemisms too. :-)

I really enjoyed your 2nd POV story. "...You whispered a request to me - suck your balls. Fleshy plums, I drew them into the cave of my mouth, played my tongue over them...." Love the flesy plums. Love it!

I agree. What constitutes sex isnt just cock/pussy penetration. Sex is fingers, mouths, lips, ears...(Uh, oh, I've said too much)between two, or more (no judgement)that makes sex feel like a trip to Disneyland for adults!

Thank you, Robin! Thank you once again, Sommer for brainstorming such a fun activity for all our smutty minds.

p.s. spam word: chuat, which sounds a lot like churro. Churros/Chuat's are those really loooong, sugary, sweet Mexican doughnuts, that look like cocks. Hello? Is my mind in the gutter, or what? haha.

Donna said...

Wow, thank you, Robin, first for the feast of words and the tips for every smut writer's library.

I LOVE "This is How I Learned." I am totally in the moment, totally caught up in the naughtiness and the pleasure and the need. "...It was the first time I wanted it as much as any man wanted it. Oooh, exactly, that's where the act transcends physical sensation and becomes communion--magic!

I actually was given a lesson by a reportedly very experienced woman in her 20s when I was a teenager. My older sister and her friend explained how to do it and I practiced on the friend's thumb. (There's a scene in my novel based on this, but the women were older so it was more instructional and less...moist).

I think your story is much sexier. Thanks for getting my Friday off to a wonderful start!

Cora Zane said...

Fantastic post, Robin! Fleshy plums, omg yum. And just for the record you have absolutely made my day by mentioning DSL. I'm taking notes on that one. It's like blow job code language a la James Bond. Brilliant!

Heidi Champa said...

Loved it. I'm a big fan of second person myself. Sometimes, it just gets the job done so well.

Spam Word: bilsita

Kristina Lloyd said...

Excellent list!

I'm very keen on 'irrumatio' - aka skull-fucking or forced fellatio. Sounds so much classier in Latin!

Erobintica said...

Hi Neve - ears??? we want to hear more ;-) oh - and I love churros - though unfortunately they're almost pure carbs - but I wouldn't pass up a really well-made one.

Thanks Donna. Okay, I'm trying to picture your lesson - and it just makes me want to giggle - did any of you keep a straight face? I'm gonna have to read other things faster so I can get to your book and find this scene!

Hi Cora - oh, I can see us now - do you have DSL? - sort of like a secret handshake. ;-)

Hi Heidi - thanks!

ack! I need some lunch. brb ;-)

Erobintica said...


Hi Kristina! "irrumatio" - I like that - yes, classy!

Thanks for stopping by.

Isabel Kerr said...

Wonderful Robin! Everyone has said it all.


Sommer Marsden said...


nice. where is my notebook?

the ear thing made me think of an episode of Supernatural where a guy says to dean, "Did you do her ear?" (meaning print it like a fingerprint) and Dean shrugs say, "I don't know. I mean, I'll try anything once but..."

heh heh.

I'm popping in whilst I procrastinate. *waves*


Erobintica said...

Hi Isabel! They have???

Hi again Sommer. I've heard of getting and earfull, but...
and you - procrastinate?

Well, we just had pouring rain and mild thunderstorm. I've made hubby and I mochas and I'm going to sit down and relax a bit - do some reading. Then pop back here later.

Jeremy Edwards said...

I love sexual slang posts—yay! And "This Is How I Learned" is so beautiful and evocative.

Kudos, Robin! [Gives her a handshake. No, a handshake handshake.]

Emerald said...

Oh, magnificent story Robin!! I was practically panting! Great use of the second-person pov!

Lol @ "senor-eata."

Marina said,
"I just love having that intense focus on my partner's pleasure"

This is a big part of it for me too. It is such a blast (ha) to do something that is so very much appreciated and enjoyed and to which I get to pay such focused attention.

cerulean said,
"I couldn't imagine having a sexual relationship with someone who didn't take a blow job seriously."

I like the way that was stated. "Take it seriously." It seems very reverent, and I appreciate that.

I have to run off to the airport — going out of town for the weekend — so this will probably be the last time I get to visit here today (I'm sorry to say) but thanks for this lovely post, Robin!

neve black said...

Hi again,
I thought I'd un-plug my ear for a minute and head back over to check in.

God, this so fun! Blow Hard Tour everyday! Yah!!

Donna said...

Again, I think the lesson you portray in your story is the ideal kind (whether or not the guy went to Stanford, although I have a fondness for Stanford men myself), but my blow job lesson wasn't half bad. There really was this sense of these older women helping me and making a forbidden mystery very doable, natural, and cool. As if they were teaching me how to accessorize or something. So the mood was light, but instructional and supportive. It translated very well to my first "real" blow job--the guy couldn't believe it was my first time. And I guess it wasn't, lol. Btw, I just bought your recommended reading for erotica writers. Bibliomaniacs, unite!

Craig Sorensen said...

First, I love your story, Robin. Very hot, very consuming.

Second, I have a little story about “ears” as relates to oral sex. When I was stationed in Germany, one of our randier (is that a word?) fellows from the men’s floor had a saying directed at the ladies. “Lend me your ears, and I’ll make you shed tears.” I don’t know if relates to Neve’s references. Anyway, a number of the women in the barracks really didn’t like this rather crude saying, but he laughed off their complaints.

Then one of these women decided to meet the challenge…ahem…head on. To his request, she said, “sure, I’ll lend you my ears when you give me some face.” From that point on, it was not uncommon for a woman in our barracks to say “gimme some face,” but that’s for another blog, methinks.

Cerulean, aside from being an awesome color, you tell a great joke!

To answer the question, I suppose the trust of placing sensitive, very personal flesh in something designed for mastication enters into it, but in all honesty, that had never occurred to me. But it is very personal thing, both for giver and receiver.

To T. Elle’s point, the giver’s style really defines the act. When done right, the receiver is pretty much reduced to a writhing wreck. It can be an intense sensation, and the giver can “over-stimulate” or deny at will.

I think the statement about personal style is a statement of youth in general, past and present. We start out focused on our own pleasure, and learn to read each other’s. With that experience, we (hopefully) grow some skill; learn to read each other.

There are general truths about what turns people on, but there are specifics that can be very different on the individual.

Vive le difference!

Erobintica said...

Back. Been busy. ;-)
Writing you sillies. What did you think? Hehe.

Hi Jeremy. My, what a firm handshake you have!

Emerald - travel well. The wonderful thing about blogland is that the conversation is safe to enjoy anytime. And thank you - I'm thinking I should try some of that POV more often.

Welcome back Neve! Yes, so much fun.

And welcome back Donna - ah, in reality, far from ideal - but then, the "story" is what we make it. Hahaha. No, not Stanford, but in the same general geographic area. ;-) Your experience (the lesson) is one that always leaves me a bit envious. I can't even begin to imagine my sister in the same situation - or any of her friends. Hehehe.

Erobintica said...

Hi Craig, you showed up while I was posting a comment. Thank you. Consuming, eh?

The "lend me your ears" story is interesting. I love badinage (hmm, that word sounds nasty though it's not) - I didn't think his saying was crude - but maybe you had to know the source.

Yes, now I understand the saying "wish I knew then what I know now" - with age comes skill and the ability to see (or "read") past ourselves.

Thanks for stopping in!

EllaRegina said...

(The One-Eyed Spartan was missing in that link...)

WOW, Robin! What a compendium!

You deserve a Ph.D. for all your research and presentation.

It's a special Ph.D. -- a PHD Ph.D. PHD stands for Phellate Hard Dick.

And YES, oral sex counts! And I say that even though I love Bill Clinton. Or maybe it's because I love him that I say it counts. Hmmmn.

And your story! FANTASTIC! YOU really did it. ;-) Someone else commented the other day; excuse me if I forgot the specific person's name -- I sure got the message -- about having a teacher (a man) talk them through it and really give a (oops!) blow by blow instruction. I never had that. :-( Is it too late? I'd really like to go through that with someone, even if I already learned a few tricks on my own along the way. I think the role-play experience of doing that with a man would be very exciting.

Maybe it's time for another ad on Craigslist...

Thank you for JOBS most well done, my fellow Tour-ist!

Erobintica said...


Hmmm. At first I thought - okay - one-eyed-spartan - wouldn't that be under "penis"??? But I looked in the book and lo and behold, there's several one-eyed -whatevers, but no spartan. (There's 7 pages - SEVEN! - of words for penis!).

Hmmm, Don't I need an Masters before I get a PHD? Hehehe. Hmmmm. Maybe hubby would like to play doctor later. ;-)

Thanks. I appreciate YOU commenting on my story. Oh, and it's never too late to learn lessons. We're always learning, right? ;-)

EllaRegina said...

PS, I bet Baroness Mischa makes men very happy!

Erobintica said...

Okay, I'm waiting on Mr. Erobintica, who is supposed to be checking out my blog post (FINALLY!) and leaving a comment - hint hint hint - you just click that little circle that says "Name/URL" and put in Mr. Erobintica or whatever - please don't be Anonymous. Geez.

This has been such fun - and it's not over yet! still have days and days of BJs to go!

EllaRegina said...

I meant the Chocolate Party Hats, your last link.

Oh, but hey, I'm like Miss Idiot 2009. I thought One-Eyed Spartan was a penis something. I didn't realize that these are ALL penis toppers!

Or am I missing something?

My word is oustic as in "Ooooh, baby stick it in my mouth! NOW!

Erobintica said...

ER - she's from .... Down Under!

Baroness Mischa

Erobintica said...


Erobintica said...

Look out folks, there's silliness happening.

Oh, that's right - it's Friday night.

Erobintica said...

You know EllaRegina - I completely forgot about the chocolate party hats! Wanna get one for the Mr.

Oops. He's going to read here - guess it won't be a surprise.

EllaRegina said...

"Down Under." Hahahaha!

Now my word is spipsies, short pieces played on a pipe, when there is not much time for a full concerto...

Mr. Erobintica said...

Woah, Nellie! I don't know where to begin after all of that, but this is a bit of command performance for Mr. Erobintica, so I'll carry on...

What is it about BJs? The personal connection is definitely there, and Craig really hit home with the "reduced to a writhing wreck" comment. I think it's the excitement of being to some real extent out of control. In other forms of sex, I feel much more in control of the outcome, but not so this way. It's not a scary lack of control. I don't buy the teeth fright issue because I've always trusted a partner. But it's out of control none the less.

Here's a strange auto racing comparison. I used to autocross. The course was just a parking lot with lanes made with traffic cones. You'd never get faster than second gear, but the speed sensation around tight curves was intense. A co-worker brought his 11-year-old son to watch one race day, and the kid was none too impressed. After the racing was over, I offered to take the boy on a "fun run" on the course. So we strapped a helmet on him and buckled him tight into the passenger seat of my TR6 and hit the gas. When we rounded the first turn and the G-forces slammed him into the passenger door, he shouted, "Holy Cow!" A wild ride is a lot wilder when you're the passenger and not a driver or spectator.

OK, Mrs. Erobintica, now that I've posted, can I come to bed, pleeease!

Sommer Marsden said...

i've had a day full of technical difficulties and snafus. but i'm popping back in to thank you for having us, robin. sincerely. from one peter puffer to another ;)

what was that? i couldn't hear you. i have something in my ear...

heh heh

EllaRegina said...

Wow, Robin! It sounds like you met your match! Lucky girlie! (And boy!)

My word: ststed

I think that's what men say in the "writhing wreck" phase.

Aisling Weaver said...

Oh I am sooooo late to the party! Road trip yesterday to my mom's(where I'm not writing from her dining table ;)

I just LOVED the whole thing - the words, the story, OMG the FLESHY PLUMS!! And everything in the comments too.

I'm with everyone on the intimacy factor, as well as being in control. Unless My hands are tied(did I say that?) I have control of a BJ, even in a submission position. I can control how fast, slow, feathery or firm - every aspect, even from my knees. And nothing is better than hearing him utter, "Baby, I gotta sit down," in the middle ;) to make coffee for everyone and hopefully I can keep up with the tour today!!


Erobintica said...

Even though it's way late the next morning, I just want to say thank you to Mr. Erobintica for posting. Command performance - hahaha. ;-)
Love you!

Erobintica said...

Hi JM, better late than never! See you at Cora's.

Anonymous said...

I have trouble getting though more than one of your blog entries because of all the links (I feel compelled to click on all of them). This one was particularly fun, especially with some of my recent discoveries of the pleasure of these activities myself. And yes, I should have discovered it long ago.

Fantasia said...

I am almost overwhelmed with all the information!! what fun ... and so much food for thought ... ahm.
All these sites are so "busy" I almost don't know where to look!!

Blogger said...