These two mask photos are by Randy Lagana. The bottom photo is by Self Timer of Mr. Erobintica & moi ala Halloween 2008 (the mask thing, get it?)I am not on facebook. I have no intention of being on facebook. But I'm starting to feel a little bit like I did in 4th grade when, newly transplanted to the west coast from the east, I stood around the edges of the playground, lonely as hell and looking longingly at all the kids playing with their friends and feeling very much the outsider.
A few days ago I got an amusing email. It was from facebook, a reminder -
"Hi Robin, The following people recently invited you to be their friend on Facebook:"
Among those people were Susie Bright (whose blog I've followed since the very beginning) and Rachel Kramer Bussel. Both had okayed me as a "friend" back in February - I took Rachel's Erotica 101 class and met Susie at In The Flesh. Problem is, I'm not on facebook. And every time someone sends one of those "friend" things, I feel compelled to send an old-fashioned email explaining that I'm not snubbing them by not "friending" them, it's just that my face ain't in the book.
The same day (Sunday it was), there was a post on Greta Christina's blog saying she'd joined facebook. I remembered when Susie Bright joined facebook - she stopped posting to her blog as often, which made me sad. Granted, now her blog loads easier since there isn't a bajillion people looking at it. I enjoy reading Greta C.'s blog and hope she doesn't slowly disappear from it. Because I'm not joining facebook.
I have a lot of friends on facebook. One old friend uses a picture I took many many years ago as his facebook photo. Some love it. They can keep in touch with friends and old friends can easily find them (this could be a good thing or a bad thing, depends). Some only do it because they got talked into it by someone (spouse, friend, family member, colleague). Some hate it but do it anyway. And some, like me, don't do it at all. But many folks use it, often in exclusion to other means, of letting folks know what they're up to. As a result, they often expect everyone to know something - "well, I posted it on facebook" - assuming everyone is on facebook. But I have my reasons for not facebooking.
Why? Well, for one thing, two of my three children are on facebook. I actually heard about it when my then college freshman oldest told me about it when it was strictly a way to get to know other students at her college. Then it was a way to keep in touch with friends who'd gone to other colleges. It's grown from there of course. So, in my mind it is still a thing for college kids to do. It was built as such and I know folks work around those constraints, but I'm tired of trying to fit into boxes.
Also, I don't need ANOTHER thing to do. I'm having enough trouble keeping up with all the things I'm already doing (and enjoying). Also, there's the whole "real name" thing. I have my erotica "name" and my real name (which is my married name). Some folks get around that by being two-faced, which seems like a lot of work to me. I've already done that to some extent on my blog and I'm tired of it already.
Another thing - again - my kids are on facebook. And yeah, I know you can have all sorts of privacy things (they've already told me they'd never "friend" me) - but still.
So, I stand here at the edge of the chalk hopscotch outlines and 4-square squares, watching all those folks with their friends. Afraid to join in? Maybe that was it 6 months ago, but not now. I'm not afraid of someone finding out about my "other" life. In fact, the thought of folks being puzzled, amused, and maybe even shocked by the eclectic menagerie that makes up the group of people I call "friends" has a sort of twisted appeal to me. It's the reason why I want this button.
By not joining facebook, am I trying to hide? I don't think so.
