Sunday, February 6, 2011

Outside the norm

Today is that superbowl-type day. I don't follow football at all. It's never interested me. I've never been to a superbowl party *, have never thrown one. Don't ever intend to.

I went to the grocery store to pick up some cat food, dish soap, and stuff for my son's lunches this week. The store wasn't very busy. The guy in front of me in line was too anxious to get going when the checker had to do a price check for the person in front of this guy. So he grabbed his stuff and walked quickly to another checkout. Just then the price was found. It would have been another 30 seconds for him to wait.

The world seems quiet. Not too many cars on the road. Even Facebook is quiet. My husband got home from a business trip this afternoon, but he's finishing up a book he's been reading. So I'm doing my daily post. Not quite knowing what to talk about.

I usually feel like an outsider. I pretty much have all my life. The quiet one. Sits in the back of the room. Wallflower. "Shy" could have been the word for my teenage years.

Now I'm in my fifties. And as time goes by, I realize that I'm not at all "normal," at least not according to what I've learned about society-in-general. I'm interested in stuff that I don't really have anyone to discuss it with on a regular basis. I want things that aren't on the approved list.

Sometimes it feels good, "empowering" even, to think of myself as inhabiting outside the box. But sometimes, often even, it's lonely.

And I don't know what to do with that. I have no power to change anyone, other than myself. But what if I don't want to change? What does that mean for my life going forward?

Don't know.

*Correction: My husband informs me that I did attend a Super Bowl party - about 20 years ago.  I only vaguely remember it - I did not watch any football.

5 comments:

T. Harrison said...

So you're telling me that feeling doesn't go away? Gah...it's hopeless! I'll just stay in my corner then! *grumble, grumble*

Erobintica said...

Hope there's plenty of room in that corner for all of us!

Eric said...

Indeed - count me as an ambivalent (resigned?) member of that 'corner crowd'.

Jo said...

Well, at least the internet is a big wide diverse place? Must be more of you out there than three...

Erobintica said...

Welcome Eric. :)

Jo, yeah. I'm sure there are. And thank goodness for the internet!