Today's Lesson: Swallow one's sword and other euphemisms for sucking cock

Welcome! And how's this for some sword swallowing?

[The video that was linked to here is long gone. I'll try to find another similar to it.]

Finished cringing yet?

Hope you've been enjoying the Blow Hard Tour 2009. The pricknic continues today and I've been having almost too much fun doing research - all sorts of research.   *wipes chin*   ;-)  

I've mentioned this thesaurus before (it's got pictures too!) - The Bald-Headed Hermit And The Artichoke by A.D. Peterkin.

There's almost two whole pages of words for fellatio, including terms for (One Who Performs) and (to Perform).

For fellatio:

DSL (dick sucking lips) - hehe, one will never think of internet connections in quite the same way

Hooverism

icing expert

penilingus (I kinda like this one)

piston job

pricknic

scooby snack *insert scooby laugh here*

skull-buggery

zipper sex

For (One Who Performs):

blow monkey

fellator & fellatrix (equal opportunity)

goot gobbler

goat throat (Capricorn anyone?)

jaw queen

mouth worker

nibbler

peter puffer

pick spigot

sally

spigot sucker (hmm, got a faucet thing going)

vacuum cleaner

For (to Perform)

bagpipe

blow one's skin flute

blue jay

cuff one's carrot

dick lick (also lick dick)

gam

give cone

play one's horn

put lipstick on one's dipstick (like this one too)

senor-eata

soil one's knees

swallow one's sword

talk into the mic (is this thing working?)

worship at the altar

Those are just a sampling!

There's another book that is wonderful for those erotic language geeks among us.

Bawdy Language: Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say by Lawrence Paros

Great website here. You can buy the book AND find out lots of other stuff. This book has origins of words (like gam - or gamahuche, gamaroosh and gamaruche, possibly derived from Gamiani, the heroine of a nineteenth-century erotic novel of the same name. Of course there's other theories.) Great quotes and illustrations. A thoroughly fun way to waste some time - oh, I mean do research.

Sucking cock. So many ways to say it. Euphemisms are fun, but when it comes down to it (on your knees maybe?), it's all about making love with your lips, tongue, teeth (just a little), your whole mouth. This whole Blow Hard Tour started because someone Sommer knows - a woman - said this. Of course a lot of us commented that we like to give blow jobs. They're not just a means to an end (what she said - Sommer's friend that is). Though if they lead somewhere else, who's to argue? 

The other day Alison Tyler asked, among other things, about memories of first blow jobs. And it occurred to me that when some of us were coming of age (back in the stone age, hehe), there was really no way to learn how to go about it other than ... going about it. No heiresses showing us how on widely distributed (and in essence very boring) internet videos. No online instruction manuals, no pages and pages of Amazon listings, no 71,700,000 Google results (I find that number really funny for some reason).

Since I'm still new at this erotica biz, I don't have any excerpts to share, but I did sit down and write something special for you. Donna George Storey's second person point of view discussions influenced my writing here. It was very interesting to take a real occurrence (from long ago and far, far away) and write this way. 

This is How I Learned

You weren’t the first, but it was the first time I wanted it as much as any man wanted it.

Giddy with red wine, we’d ended up back at your office. You drew me into the back room, shut the door. This had been your fantasy for months. You’d asked if it excited me too. It did.

With an ear out for discovery, maybe the janitor or your office mate, we moved with deliberate slowness. All quiet and whispers. In the dark, we were all too aware of lights in the building’s other wing. How easily we could see across the way. You wondered about the ambient light and the blinds not pulled across your window. This was part of your fantasy. To maybe be seen, be caught.

I undid your belt buckle, popped the buttons of your faded jeans one at a time. Pulled them down to your ankles. Saw your cock spring free in the dim light. You hopped onto the drafting table, sat with legs dangling, your fingers in my long hair.

You instructed me. With gentle words taught me how to use my tongue on your glans, my lips on your shaft. With you I learned pressure, suction, tempo. How to use my teeth, lightly, teasingly.

You whispered a request to me - suck your balls. Fleshy plums, I drew them into the cave of my mouth, played my tongue over them. With this you moaned for me, leaked a drop of fluid. Once again, my lips met the head of your cock, tasted the sweet, sour, salty promise of a lesson well-learned.

Whew! Okay. That second person POV does it every time. Gets the reader awfully close!

Nowadays it seems that for many people, blow jobs aren't even considered "real sex" - that's reserved for penis/vagina sex only (wtf?). Well, I beg to differ. And I think other eroticists would too. Over at AT's blog, in the comments, Craig Sorensen (one of the few men commenting so far this whole blog tour - where are you? - we want more! - *hoping to see Mr. Erobintica here, hint hint hint *) said this - "To me, it is something especially intimate." He went on to describe the sensations (you gotta scroll down) in a manner which had some very smutty writers blushing.

So, what makes a blow job special? From both the giver's and the receiver's point of view? That's the question of the day - so come on and comment - Sommer is ... stalking (hehe) the commenters during this dozen day tour and one lucky one will win quite the prize package. Don't be shy. We don't bite.  ;-)

Tomorrow the slurping continues over at Cora Zane's. See you there! For the full line-up, look here.

Oh, and one last, to top it off, how about these?