Blizzard

Though there's only about an inch of snow outside, daylight is almost gone and the wind's picking up. We're supposed to have a blizzard tonight. I like weather. Like to be reminded that there are forces that I have  no control over. The power may go out. But we have candles and wood for the woodstove and plenty of food. We have books and blankets. There are always things to do when the lights go out. 

I always get kinda turned on when it's stormy. Not sure why. The weather prognosticators always are shouting "danger danger." But I think I like being thrown back into a world where nothing is there at the flip of a switch. I feel "at home." Think I may write a bit this evening. And I'm looking forward to snuggling under blankets. 

Merry XXXmas

Earlier this week I went down to Philly for the Erotic Literary Salon where Emerald was the featured reader. It was great fun, and Susana Mayer, the  creator of the salon, had put out a challenge for folks to write naughty holiday haikus. My friend Kam tried his hand at some, even though he was traveling and couldn't be there. Susana read them and the audience sure seemed to like them. He said it was okay for me to post them here. So, without further ado...

Santa's pants on floor
Blankets piled in the corner
Giggles from underneath


Silky liquid runs down
Santa's elves have such long legs
Lapping up towards prize


Tight hole seldom plumbed
Santa positions with care
Plugs elf butt with glee


Soft lips suck long hard
Red cheeks bulge with excitement
She-elf smiles at boss


Santa traces breast curve
Mommy is doing more than kiss
Santa plunges deep


Santa watches you
Good girls know how to please lovers
Santa joins in now

It was two years ago today...

when I started this here blog.

Today, I've spend most of my time writing a piece of erotica. It's actually been awhile since I have. And that it came back today is pretty fucking cool.

These past couple of years have been quite the wild ride. Life-changing. I've met some very cool people and made some good friends. I've published a few stories. I've gotten naked on the internet. I've read my erotic poetry for an audience. I've shared a lot. Some people might think too much. I don't.

It's been hard work, but I'm becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin.

The coming cold.

Ice Ribbons

Today, when I drove the road to the place where I buy my local milk, I saw snow on the ground. It hadn't snowed at our house, the limit seemed to be about five miles away. It's funny, I've not been looking forward to winter this year. Some years I do. I think of snuggling under a blanket with a good book and a mug of cocoa. Slow days to make soup and knit. But I don't think this winter will be one of relaxation and catching up. 

I'm so behind in so many things, that if I start to list them, I get overwhelmed. So, I'm just going to take things one day at a time, always allowing for the spontaneous. Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for lunch. Someone I haven't seen for way too long. And another friend may be stopping in one day this week. I like things like that. As much as I like being alone, I like being with people too. I am nothing if not contradictions.

This past year I've not updated this blog nearly as often as I  have in the past. Not sure why that is. Oh, there are plenty of reasons, but the truth of the  matter is that for awhile, I thought Eros had abandoned me. But that's not the case. Just fluctuating hormones. 

But it was scary. After all this time, a lot of it spent coming to terms with the nuances of my sexuality, it seemed particularly mean of the universe to mess with my libido just when I no longer was mired in shame. Well, maybe not mired, but it was almost always there. It felt so good to move beyond that, to be comfortable in my own skin. 

But now, I'm slowly fighting my way back. In the past couple of months, my erotic writing life has been renewed. I've been braver and braver. Thoughts are coalescing in my mind about several long term projects (including my novel-in-progress). But even when things are going well, the old demons can revisit and throw me for a loop. That happened this past week. It wasn't fun. It wasn't pretty. But, now, from the other side, I know it was good, because I'm ready to move on.

So, expect to see me writing more here. Not sure what about. Probably all sorts of shit. Whatever interests me. And, no worries, there will probably be plenty of sex-related stuff.  Today my husband said that being sex-focused was my "default" mode. Hahahaha. Yeah. I kinda like that. Hope you do too.

Shorter days, longer nights, colder temperatures. Yeah, winter may be almost here, but I think it may be a hot one.

There's a first time for everything.

Just before I left to drive down to Philadelphia for my reading at The Erotic Literary Salon (see blog post about that here), I got my very first email asking if I'd be interested in reviewing a sex for  TheirToys. The timing couldn't have been more timely. I was in a brave state of mind, and upon consulting my husband, who is amazingly supportive of my erotic endeavors (well, most of them, anyway),  I said yes. So begins this foray into Adult Toys.

Now let me explain something. Even though I write erotica (among other things), until VERY recently (say...last month?) I had never purchased or used an "official" sex toy. Wow, I  heard that shocked inhale of breath from here! Yeah, I'm from that generation that came of age long before the internet made it so easy. Thank Eros! You youngsters are so lucky.

So, November was a month of firsts for me. First erotic poetry reading, first sex toy purchase, first sex toy to review. So, after some back and forth, with me explaining my ... inexperience, I was offered three toys to choose from; a bullet vibe, and two different sets of handcuffs. Having just gotten one of those cute little vibes with my first ever purchase only a couple of weeks before, I chose the Fetish Fantasy Series Ultra Cuff Set.

Now, it may seem to be quite the leap going from no sex toys to bondage toys in the course of less than a month, but I've been perusing online catalogs for quite some time. It's just taken me a bit to finally take the plunge. We'd been intrigued with bondage for some time, but hey, we move slow.

Anyhow, on to the review. And this is gonna seem a little weird, since I'll be talking about my actual sex life in more detail than I'm used to "in public." But what the hell. I honestly believe it does no one any good to keep the topic of real sex hushed (there's a ton of fake sex in front of us all the time).

After being amused by the packaging (seen at right above), I took the cuffs out and looked at them. They looked fairly simple and not too intimidating. It would be a few days before we had the opportunity to use them (we went out-of-town for Thanksgiving). When we got around to trying them, we were a bit giggly at first, being new to this kind of thing.

They're velcro, which allows you to fit them as tight as you want, though I have small wrists and there was some loose velcro, though it didn't get in the way (any longer and it would have). They appear to be able to adjust to accommodate much larger wrists and/or ankles. They were quite comfortable. And the buckle is easy to operate (I think I might have been a little hesitant if they had actually locked - remember, I'm new at this). Now, we just attached the cuffs to each other, but you could attach them to something else, if you had the proper connectors (there's one clasp, you might need another to use the cuffs separately (say to different bed posts - which we don't have).

It was very interesting being restrained. The buckle made it quick to switch from hands together in front, to behind my back. Not being able to use my hands at all was both a turn-on and frustrating. And judging from my husband's response, despite his claims that they didn't do all that much for him, they did bring a new dynamic into our fucking. Oh, and we used the other toys I'd gotten previously. Which was nice. So I'd say our first foray into bondage was a success.

 I'm not only looking forward to using them again, but I can't wait to try them on him.

*and yes, TheirToys gave me this product free, as thanks for letting you know about their site and this product.

A tale of two readings.

Reading at the Erotic Literary Salon

touch
always
press of
skin against
skin
remember*




*from Memento Vivere




Last month I had the pleasure of reading at Philadelphia's Erotic Literary Salon with Jeremy Edwards. He was reading from his "eroto-comedic" novel, Rock My Socks Off and I  read some of my erotic poetry, which was quite a treat. Also, Emerald, who will feature there this month, read in the open mike.


This reading series, begun two years ago by Susana Mayer, is a wonderful venue, and I only wish it was closer to me, so I could go all the time (I am going to hear Emerald read on Dec. 21). Emerald and I got to meet Susana in the afternoon (both arriving at her place at the same time!) and we had some fascinating discussions. I think both Emerald and I were coveting her bookshelves. Then  Jeremy, his wife Helia, Emerald, my Philly friend Kam, and me, had a delicious dinner at a nice Indian restaurant around the corner from the venue, The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge.

The reading itself was fantastic. The open mike had wonderful poetry and erotica (check out Ricc Berra, who read an excerpt from this). I was impressed with the respectful and attentive crowd. How wonderful to have such a supportive-of-the-erotic spoken word series. Jeremy did a terrific job, as usual (I've heard him read before). If you want to watch Jeremy's reading, he has links posted at his blog, here. If I can figure out how to do the same, I will post mine here. Stay tuned.

This was the first time I've been able to do an entire reading of my erotic poetry, including my Seattle Erotic Arts Festival poems, as well as some of the ones here. Many of the poems are ones I've done in readings and performances during the past several years. But a few of them had never been read aloud before, poems with the words "cock and cunt." Poems that speak openly of my desires.  Though I hate to use the word, because it's so overused, I found reading these poems before an audience to be very empowering. The audience's reaction to my poems really touched me. I know that my poems have meaning to me, because I write my heart out, but several audience members came up to me afterwards and commented that they were moved by my words. That's heady stuff for a writer to hear.

Afterwards, I celebrated by sharing an absinthe with Helia, who was also eager to try it. Needless to say, I liked it. The whole ritual of the sugar cube and the ice water, the clouding of the liquor itself, well, I guess I'll have to write a poem!

**************

A week and a half later, I read again, this time here at home (sorta, about an hour away). I'd been debating whether or not to read one of my SEAF poems in addition to a few other erotic poems (I always do some erotic poems in my readings, surprise surprise). It was a small crowd on a very chilly night, and in a fit of bravery, I read Memento Vivere, a poem chronicling events of my sexual life. It's a very personal poem, and it's also a challenge to read, since it's partly visual. I was a little nervous about what kind of reaction I'd get here - most of the folks in the audience knew me and while some knew about my Erobintica activities, others did not. I'm happy to report that it went well. 

I kinda find it ironic that my erotic poetry is bringing together my Erobintica self with my other writing self (maybe selves?). I'd thought to keep them separate, for various reasons, when I started out. Slowly, the lines have merged and blurred. Soon, I imagine (hope?) there will be no boundaries. That's one reason why I read under my full real name at the Erotic Literary Salon. I am proud of Erobintica. It's a name I will continue to use. But there will be no more hiding. 

Several interesting writing-related opportunities have presented themselves recently, and it's not despite my erotic writings, but because of them. There's a lesson here for me. I'm hoping I'm an attentive student.