Monday, December 6, 2010

The coming cold.

Ice Ribbons

Today, when I drove the road to the place where I buy my local milk, I saw snow on the ground. It hadn't snowed at our house, the limit seemed to be about five miles away. It's funny, I've not been looking forward to winter this year. Some years I do. I think of snuggling under a blanket with a good book and a mug of cocoa. Slow days to make soup and knit. But I don't think this winter will be one of relaxation and catching up. 

I'm so behind in so many things, that if I start to list them, I get overwhelmed. So, I'm just going to take things one day at a time, always allowing for the spontaneous. Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for lunch. Someone I haven't seen for way too long. And another friend may be stopping in one day this week. I like things like that. As much as I like being alone, I like being with people too. I am nothing if not contradictions.

This past year I've not updated this blog nearly as often as I  have in the past. Not sure why that is. Oh, there are plenty of reasons, but the truth of the  matter is that for awhile, I thought Eros had abandoned me. But that's not the case. Just fluctuating hormones. 

But it was scary. After all this time, a lot of it spent coming to terms with the nuances of my sexuality, it seemed particularly mean of the universe to mess with my libido just when I no longer was mired in shame. Well, maybe not mired, but it was almost always there. It felt so good to move beyond that, to be comfortable in my own skin. 

But now, I'm slowly fighting my way back. In the past couple of months, my erotic writing life has been renewed. I've been braver and braver. Thoughts are coalescing in my mind about several long term projects (including my novel-in-progress). But even when things are going well, the old demons can revisit and throw me for a loop. That happened this past week. It wasn't fun. It wasn't pretty. But, now, from the other side, I know it was good, because I'm ready to move on.

So, expect to see me writing more here. Not sure what about. Probably all sorts of shit. Whatever interests me. And, no worries, there will probably be plenty of sex-related stuff.  Today my husband said that being sex-focused was my "default" mode. Hahahaha. Yeah. I kinda like that. Hope you do too.

Shorter days, longer nights, colder temperatures. Yeah, winter may be almost here, but I think it may be a hot one.


Anonymous said...

"Friend..." Thanks for that.

You always think you're the only one going through what you're going through. And you always think there's some kind of defect in thinking the way you do.

You're not the only one. And, there's nothing wrong.

Just be.


Emerald said...

I remember reading this much earlier but see I didn't comment then...I must not have felt like I knew what to say.

But I really like what you said about your erotic/sexual experience of late and am glad you're feeling more centered in the fluctuations you've experienced.

And I especially like your last paragraph. :)


Erobintica said...

Just be. Thanks for that, L, yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.

Em, thanks. Sometimes I worry that my self-absorption here is ... wasted. Only word I could think of. I guess sometimes I forget that being a writer means putting all sorts of words down and hoping that sometime somewhere they'll touch someone.