Monday, October 12, 2009

Ardently Seeking

That seems to be how I've spent the last ten years of my life. Seeking, looking, searching, wandering, wondering, hunting, digging, tracking, examining, exploring. The list of synonyms for what I've been doing is probably endless. Have I found anything? Yes. No. Many things. Nothing. Has it all just been a search for meaning? Maybe. Most likely I'll spend the rest of my life the same way. Sometimes I think - that's the point. To keep learning. I've been learning a lot lately. About myself. Some of these lessons, others in my life might not like. But I think my direction is to try and make them understand that this is me, it's always been me. Nothing has really changed. Even though it may seem that everything has. There are many sides to me. Some have not been seen before except in sidelong glances. But they're not new.

I don't know what all this means, other than - keep moving forward. Ardent has it's origins in words meaning "to burn." I'm not sure how that fits in, but it does.

and I'm sure you're all wondering - where's the erotica? don't worry - it's infusing everything these days.


Anonymous said...

I like this post of yours.

I think middle age offers a chance for introspection that isn't able to be done in one's twenties.

Maybe that's where the "burn" comes into play. When the layers fall away, you're left with what's real. Hopefully, you like what you see.


T. Harrison said...

I prefer to think of life as a ongoing journey of discovery. If I let myself believe that there will be some end point to self-discovery or learning I probably would get very depressed. I think a lot people who make a decision about themselves early in life are limiting themselves. Who knows who you can grow and evolve into if you just allow yourself the opportunity to do so?

So keep searching...I know I will.

Anonymous said...

Now is the best time to feel the things you like!


BadAssKona said...

Sometimes, the most erotic literature is that which is left unsaid. The journey feeds you...

WV: "snouse"
Def: a snot-nosed louse (could be human)

Craig Sorensen said...

Life's a river. Follow those twists and turns. Enjoy the ride.

Emerald said...

"Sometimes you've got to learn, sometimes you've got to burn the old brush out so the new can grow..."

-from one of my favorite songs, "Wings" by LIVE. (The next line, also the first line of the chorus, is "The weight that lays [sic] on your shoulders could be the wings that carry you home.")

Best to you.

Craig Sorensen said...

Emerald said:

-from one of my favorite songs, "Wings" by LIVE.

Nice choice. Eddie sure can write a lyric.

Erobintica said...

Hey everyone! Thanks for leaving comments - I've not been hanging out here as much - but what I'm writing is definitely on my mind.
Linda, yes, there's no way in hell I could have done any of this in my twenties.
T. , definitely a journey - and I really have no idea exactly where I'll end up - I have a general destination, but who knows where the currents will take me.
Secretia - hahaha - you said it!
BAK - it is always a pleasure to see you pop up with a comment (tis so infrequent) - and you are so right about what is unsaid - the difficult part is wanting to scream it from the mountain tops as a result of being silenced so long - yet it's the whispers that speak loudest.
Craig, I've only done a few river journeys in my life - but they have all been wonderful - hoping this one is too.
Em - you've always got such wonderful things to say - and if you clear the brush out you lessen the chance of conflagration - so many wonderful metaphors!