This morning I was thinking about friends and love and all that. I was wondering why I love the people I do. It's not because of what they do or don't do, what they say or don't say. It's not even because of who they are, the type of person they are. I love them just because I love them. I think that's why my love survives. My love is not based on anything. It just is.
I get sad sometimes. People that I love do things that make me sad, upset me, bother me, irritate me, piss me off to no end, etc. ad nauseum. And I've always worried that when (if) I let them know that something they're doing isn't going over well, that they will no longer love me. That's thinking that is so deeply ingrained, from so long ago, that I sometimes wonder if I'm stuck with it for life.
But one thing that I've been doing differently, or trying to, lately, is be true to myself. I wasn't always, in fact often wasn't. Sometimes, oftentimes, that is hard, because I know that being true to myself means not pleasing someone else. And that starts a feedback loop.
early morning thoughts
while sky lightens
birds sing awake