Monday, May 17, 2010
Thinking tangled thoughts out loud
My thoughts are tangled today, they've been tangled for days. I've been doing a lot of opening up lately. For the most part it's good. Exciting. But I also find myself wanting to close up. But I seem to have misplaced my shell. When I do think of just crawling inside and hiding out, the first thought that pops into my head is "can't do that, too much to do."
Is my busyness a protective mechanism to keep me from withdrawing from the world during this "stage" of my life? It could very well be. I don't like to let people down. So I commit to things in order to not give myself a chance to back out. But the flip side of that coin is that when circumstances occur that result in me letting someone down, I can tear myself up pretty good.
Why the hell am I admitting this? Shouldn't I be trying to convince everyone how invincible I am? Ha! Excuse me while I choke on my coffee.