Scared Shitless

Sometimes I wonder why I agree to these things. My friend is going to be here in an hour and we're driving down to the poetry reading where ... shit ... I'm the feature. I can't pull myself together and I'm afraid I'm gonna really screw up and look stupid. Looking stupid is something I live in utter fear of - because I've felt like I was stupid for a good part of my life. Why do I put myself through this? I could just be someone who doesn't do anything weird like write - who was happy sitting at home watching TV and maybe reading the latest bestseller that everyone is raving about. Instead, I'm desperately trying not to forget something and put on a brave show.